Down on myself

It's been just over two weeks since I finished round four of the 21 day fix program.  Two rounds of 21 day fix and 2 rounds of 21 day fix extreme.  I'm so proud of how far I've come, as seen in my pictures from my last post.  However, stress from work, five kids, single parenthood and starting my own business has led to massive frustration/self-doubt and has seriously derailed me.  I have learned a lot from the last two weeks.  One thing, I noticed that when things get tough, I am the first person who gets put on the back burner (I do it to myself) and every priority of mine is sidelined to make room for everyone else.  I think it's called Mommy Syndrome.  Take care of everyone but yourself...  And I'm so not okay with this!  I'm so stinkin' frustrated with myself and not feeling like I deserve it enough to make a time each day that is MINE and ONLY mine.  I love the results I'm getting from the program and I loved feeling empowered by seeing myself physically strong.  Another part of me however, is just plain lazy and uses the above reasons as excuses, because honestly, some days I could squeeze it in, but I find a reason to put it off until later and later never comes.

I'm also having a really hard time eating clean and sticking to my portion containers.  Lately, I have absolutely no self-control and eat anything and everything that I want.  I think to myself "why can't I have it?" or "this program is too restricting".  Just a couple excuses...  After I eat it, I feel like crap for being so weak, which has been a great eye-opener.  I know exactly what I'm going to do for Lent, eat clean for 21 days straight.  It's a great type of self-denial and serious growth when you can deny yourself an indulgent food.  And it's not like I'm going to starve myself, it's just having an awareness and discipline to say no.  I'm excited yet scared of failure to start tonight with strengthening my will power and sticking to it.  I know it will happen and when it does, the results are going to happen like crazy!

So... tonight is the night that I am deciding I am important!  I am worthy!  I am deserving of a hot mom body!  And I'm going to stop being lazy and cheating myself.  Everyone else can give me one hour a day to myself and they'll survive.  They really will.  And I'll survive sticking to a workout schedule and clean eating.  I won't starve.  I really won't.

Happy sweating!

My photo of inspiration for the week.